The wedding was for two people you’ve probably never heard of unless you’re a teenager or some shit: Colton Haynes from and Jeff Leatham, the artistic director of the Four Seasons. Idk about these two, but Kris isn’t exactly the patron saint of successful marriages. Between her two divorces, her affair, and her situationship with Corey Gamble, it doesn’t seem like her blessing means a whole lot.
But what is a Kris Jenner wedding like? I’ve seen her plan a wedding in 12 days and have her wedding suggestions ignored because Kanye doesn’t like her taste, but how does Kris “It’s An Emergency: We Don’t Have A Wine Opener” Jenner officiate a wedding?
Obvi the only way to envision this was to re-write traditional vows with a Kris flair. Feel free to use them at your own wedding:
I, Colton Haynes, take you Jeff Leatham, to be my lawfully wedded—so don’t pull a Kris Humphries and try to get an annulment 72 days from now—husband.
To have and to hold, with an airtight prenup, from this day forward. Until I file for divorce or you give a tell-all interview to .
For better (a September cover), for worse (an overdose in a Las Vegas brothel).
For richer ($500,000 per Instagram post), for poorer (the annual sales of the Arthur George sock line).
In sickness (post-face lift) and in health (during a FitTea detox).
Until death, or separate homes in Calabasas, do us part.